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Britney Spears & Sam Ashgari: Never Waste a Crisis when There’s an Autobiography to Sell

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Britney Spears & Sam Ashgari:

Never Waste a Crisis when There’s an Autobiography to Sell

Sean Bw Parker

November 15, 2023

Spare a thought for a Princess of Pop. It can’t be easy being an object of desire for a quarter of a century, selling over 60 million records and having a similar number of followers on X/Instagram. She gets through the husbands too, like a true 20th century diva – three at last count, not bad for a sprightly 41. And sprightly Ms Spears remains, doing regular dark-eyed dances for the goggling hordes, with or without (apparently fake) knives, semi-naked to the background of what looks like a Mulholland Drive mansion.

Still, this summer Brit defenestrated husband number three; unfortunate Iranian fitness instructor Sam Ashgari, only a few months into wedded bliss but after having already been ‘together’ for six years. Publicity for this new development Spears deigns not to want: ‘As everyone knows, Hesam and I are no longer together … six years is a long time to be with someone so, I’m a little shocked but … I’m not here to explain why because it’s honestly nobody’s business. But, I couldn’t take the pain any more, honestly … In some sort of telepathic way, I have been receiving so many messages that melt my heart from friends and I thank you’.

Happily however this new adieu comes hot on the heels of her autobiography ‘The Woman In Me’ becoming the fastest selling auto by a celeb ever: ‘My book is the highest selling celebrity memoir in history and it’s only day 1 !!! Thank you to the fans who have been so supportive !!! Love you all’. Don’t you just love those triple exclamation marks??? And fancy giving Prince Harry’s ‘Spare’ such a spanking at Nielsen! PR team heads will surely roll.

This being ‘post-#MeToo’ – not to mention post-Depp/Heard – no Hollywood breakup is complete without its own abuse miscellanea; the twist in the tail being that celeb muckraker TMZ claims Ashgari is the victim this time: ‘During one fateful encounter earlier in 2023, Asghari claimed Spears flew into a fit of rage while he was asleep, subjecting him to a barrage of punches. This incident reportedly coincides with a widely circulated photograph of Asghari sporting a black eye and bite marks on his forearm, which he initially attempted to downplay when questioned by the press‘.

Just to make sure the public didn’t suspect predictable overreaction to yet another abuse narrative, the marginally more respectable Entertainment Today chimed in with the ominous Recently, things took a bad turn and their arguments became more serious and real’. The sheer, relentless superfluity of the media ensured that the news was instant, international, and re-postable – whatever its veracity.

Cue British family court barrister and radical feminist Charlotte Proudman, rocking up to save the day in customary fashion: ‘In case you were wondering what the world thinks of a woman’s trauma after being controlled, abused and harassed then look no further. I stand with Britney Spears’. Of course she does, despite both Spears and Ashgari remaining silent on the subject. What the world does now know, thanks to some superlative and necessary counter-discourse from trusted reality-sources (John Barry, Janice Fiamengo, Bettina Arndt et al) is that domestic violence is 50/50, rather than the VAWG-compelled ‘full responsibility on men, all the time’ narrative.

Whether TMZ, Entertainment Today, Ashgari or Spears – or more importantly, their lawyers – care about such realities remains to be seen. Best of luck to the ever-entertaining Britney Spears – and even more to husband 4.