Overcoming Cyberstalking and Stalking by Being Proactive and Having the Right Support
“TT”, Stalking Survivor
December 15, 2011
I contacted Survivors In Action in 2009. I learned about Survivors In Action from Women’s Legal Resource advocate Randi Rosen. I was terrified living in fear and barely making it hour by hour on many days. Randi told me about Alexis Moore and Survivors In Action.
I was being victimized by a violent perpetrator who was stalking and cyberstalking me with no place to turn for help. I had already called all of the local and national domestic violence hotlines, The National Stalking Resource Center and the police repeatedly trying to find help and support.
I was told repeatedly by the victim advocacy agencies “there was nothing they could do” or I was ignored.
The police were just as difficult to deal with, indicating that “although I had a valid restraining order and I was doing the right thing by reporting the stalking incidents, I did not have enough evidence for the law enforcement agency in my area to take action”. Therefore, I was stuck in what I thought would be an endless nightmare that could even lead to my death. I was in that vicious cycle of living hour by hour or day by day, hoping and praying I would overcome.
What was clear to me right away was that I was in big trouble, and not going to find help from any of the places that I believed were there to quote ”help me”.
I had never heard the words “self-advocate” before or “re-victimization”. I learned quickly what these words meant, and thanks to Survivors In Action I am here to say learning what these words meant and specifically learning how to self-advocate by speaking out is what saved my life.
I was paralyzed by fear at the time, and this turned out to be one of my biggest obstacles since it kept me from being able to fight for my own rights and interests. My own fear was what was holding me back, and because I didn’t have the proper consultant to turn to for support I was being re-victimized by all of the agencies and even the courts. Sadly, this is the same experience for all victims. I have watched the news reports this past year and learned even the most famous people in Hollywood can’t escape a stalking situation and they face the same problems victims like me do.
The fact is, the professional crime victim advocacy agencies and the courts basically rely on the fact victims don’t know what their needs are or how to self-advocate. They are truly almost as evil as the perpetrators from what I have experienced over the years.
The agencies that people think are there helping victims are really re-victimizing the victims and using the vulnerability of stalking and domestic violence victims as weapons against them.
The agencies that exist even today are the same one’s that I reached out to years ago, and all seem to find anyway they can to avoid providing direct support to victims, and they rely upon the fact that victims are not experienced to know what ther rights are, and that we are to afraid and traumatized to do anything but simply ask for help.
I learned quickly from consulting with Alexis Moore and with a self-defense consultant, that if I wanted to make it and survive, I was going to have to find a way to put my fear aside at least for a few hours everyday in order to accomplish the work that needed to be done to self-advocate my way through the system. This is what it takes for victims today in order to keep from being repeatedly re-victimized and to overcome. This is not easy, however and victims need a resource that will help guide them and ensure their needs are met. Other than Survivors In Action, I don’t know of any such resource in the United States.
I sent this blog post in to Survivors In Action this week because I know Alexis Moore and Survivors In Action are the real deal. They are the real advocates for stalking victims that is needed today, and Ms. Moore has done more for victims of stalking like me than any other so-called advocate or expert out there.